he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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