im drinking this country out of the recession.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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