You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
