I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize