i already hear my dad disowning me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
