Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize