I cockslap morals
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
