So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You took a bar mat shot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
