Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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