I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
BRING THE BAGELS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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