I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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