Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
