I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
