Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
