I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
