Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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