your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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