Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
