remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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