Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need a beard to bite.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
