I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
