i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
