that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think my fart just growled at me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
