You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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