I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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