I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
