I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
