So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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