If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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