dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
