after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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