I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
