Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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