Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
