Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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