Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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