you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
