lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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