She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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