I think my fart just growled at me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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