At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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