Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize