Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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