Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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