i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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