I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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