If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
