Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
