how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
