i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
