There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
worst night to have a conscience
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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