smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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