I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize