The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
