A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
