Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
