You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
