Your mouth is God's brothel.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize