Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
