Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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