I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
