i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
