She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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