I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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