The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
