thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize