I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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