My sheets look like a crime scene.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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