i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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