I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
