i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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