People with herpes should wear stickers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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